Ask Bizarre - 6 questions about Hitler

Mazaufar Khan: Dear Bizarre, here’s a few Hitler questions. Please answer this as the BNP refused to.

1. Did he really have a deformed dick?

Adolf Hitler Adolf Hitler

DR MIKE: There are actually two rumours about Hitler’s genitals – that he had a deformed penis, and (a speculation beloved of a generation of British infantrymen) that he was monorchic - ie that he had only one testicle

The one-ball rumour was current during the war, but it started as a joke. As early as 1939, British troops took to singing insulting songs about Hitler and his cronies, the most popular of which (sung to the tune of The Colonel Bogey March) usually went:

Hitler, he only has one ball,
Goering has two but very small.
Himmler has something similar,
But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

 

An alternative version had slightly different lyrics, viz.

Hitler has only got one ball
the other is in the Albert Hall
His mother
the silly bugger
Cut it off when he was very small

It was only long after the war that the idea that Hitler really might have been monorchic gained some currency. In the 1960s, the USSR released what was claimed to be a secret report on an autopsy. Soviet pathologists had carried out on two badly burned bodies (presumed to be those of Hitler and his mistress Eva Braun) which they had found outside the Fuhrerbunker in Berlin.

The report was republished in The Death of Adolf Hitler: Unknown Documents from Soviet Archives, by Lev Bezymenski (New York: Harcourt, Brace, and World, Inc.,1968). However it is strongly suspected that the report was a hoax designed to discredit Hitler. It certainly contradicts the testimony of German witnesses to the dictator’s last hours in important ways. For example, it is generally accepted that while Braun committed suicide by taking cyanide, Hitler shot himself in the head (a much more soldierly thing to do). However the Soviet doctors wrote that both the people they autopsied had died after they had bitten into cyanide capsules and that glass fragments had been found in the mouths of both corpses. (The male body had also been shot in the head - by someone else, presumably - after he had taken the poison. The implication was that Hitler was too cowardly to shoot himself, and had an orderly put a bullet in his head to make himself look good to posterity once he had taken the coward’s way out.) The report presented in Bezymenksi's book then goes on to state that the burned body had been identified as Hitler's in part because it had only one testicle. Quite how Russian doctors were so certain Hitler exhibited this abnormality was not explained.

The truth is that almost no-one who survived the war could say for certain what Hitler’s genitals looked like. The dictator was pathologically reluctant to let even his own personal doctors examine him intimately – in fact this reluctance is the main reason many people suspect he must have had some sort of deformity. According to David Irving, the controversial right-wing historian and author of The Secret Diaries of Hitler’s Doctor (London: Grafton Books, 1990), Hitler’s principal doctor, Theo Morrell, conducted many examinations of the rest of the Nazi warlord’s body (reporting he had no hair on his chest or back, had poor teeth and was bothered by a furred tongue), but was never allowed to go ‘further south’. On one occasion, when Hitler was asked to consent to an enema to relieve the symptoms of hepatitis, the Fuhrer refused to let his doctor slip a tube up his arse, and retired to a locked toilet to try to administer it himself.

If Hitler did have some sort of deformity, though, it may not have made him incapable of getting it up. Most Nazis in Hitler’s inner circle believed he did have sex with Eva Braun, though only very occasionally (the couple generally slept in separate beds). However, another Nazi doctor, Professor Doktor Hanskarl von Hasselbach, testified in 1951: ‘Hitler had an extreme disinclination to let people see his body. Even I never saw him completely unclothed, let alone checked him over in that state.’ Hasselbach went on to confirm that even members of the Nazi hierarchy suspected their Fuhrer’s motives for this excessive modesty, but all he could offer was: ‘Probably his former manservant Emil Maurice could give some information as to whether his sex organs were deformed; he dropped hints when we were in captivity.’

Unfortunately, so far as we know, Maurice – who doubled as a hired thug and occasional hitman for the Fuhrer – never did testify on this fascinating subject.

2. Wouldn't this make him racially impure?

DR MIKE: The Nazis had major downs on mental defectives and sexual degenerates, but having only one testicle or even a deformed penis would not necessarily have made Hitler ‘racially impure’ – though being sterile probably would. Whatever the truth, it is at the very least true that the Nazi madman was very noticeably un-Aryan, being short and dark-haired, a very long way from the Nordic ideal.

It was, of course, not a good idea to mention this fact in Nazi Germany.

 

3. Was his paternal grandfather really Jewish?

Hitler
Him again...

DR MIKE: Hitler’s paternal grandfather is generally thought to have been one Johan Georg Hiedler, a wandering miller from Lower Austria. Very little is known about him, and in all likelihood he was not very religious – but he certainly was not Jewish.

There is, however, a certain amount of uncertainty about who exactly did father Hitler’s dad. Some say Hitler’s gran, a peasant woman called Maria Anna Schicklgruber, was something of a goer. Maria is said to have been employed as a cook in the household of a wealthy Jewish family named Frankenberger, and there is some speculation their 19 year old son got her pregnant and regularly sent her money after the birth of Hitler’s father, Alois.

An intriguing wrinkle in all this was that soon after Alois was born, old Johan Hiedler did a runner and disappeared from his putative son’s life for three decades. Because of Alois’s illegitimacy, he was known during this period as Alois Schicklgruber, and it was only when Hiedler rather unexpectedly reappeared (aged 84) in 1876 to formally acknowledge his paternity before a judge (allowing Alois to claim a disputed inheritance) that Adolf’s dad changed his name to Hitler. Many historians have speculated that but for this chance of history, the Nazi leader could never have come to power in Germany. Try to imagine 100,000 frenzied Germans screaming ‘Heil Schicklgruber’ in unison and you can see what they’re getting at.

The rest of Hitler’s family history is equally murky and discreditable (indeed the dictator was always embarrassed by his roots, and with good reason). Alois Hitler married three times, and thanks to this, Adolf Hitler had a half-brother, Alois Jr., a petty crook who lived in England for a while and worked, in the good times, as a waiter. When the Nazis came to power, Alois Jr was able to capitalise on his new mini-celebrity and opened up a beerhall in a Berlin suburb which was much frequented by Nazi officials early in the Second World War because it always seemed to offer hard-to-find food and drink for sale. Alois Jr. and Adolf essentially never knew each other, but Alois Sr. did have a daughter, Angela, by his second marriage, and she became Hitler’s housekeeper at Berchtesgaden for a while. It was Angela’s daughter, Geli Raubal, who was the principal love of the Nazi maniac’s life. Geli committed suicide in unexplained circumstances in 1931.

Hitler’s mother, Klara Poelzl, was the grand-daughter of Johan Georg Hiedler’s brother, a man named Johann von Nepomik Huetler, and she and Alois Sr. were thus actually second cousins. As such, their match was within the bounds proscribed by the church, and Alois had to apply for special episcopal dispensation to get the marriage legitimised.

There is also some evidence of highly-undesirable Czech blood in Hilter’s ancestry (the Nazis rated the Czechs as little better than the Slavs, and people of Czech descent certainly featured in Nazi ethnic cleansing during the war). At least, Johann von Nepomuk Huetler, who acted as a surrogate father to Alois Sr. after this brother did his runner, was named after the Czech national saint, Johann von Nepomuk, which many historians have taken as evidence that the Hitler family had what the Nazis would have thought of as mixed blood. There is however no firm evidence of Jewish blood in the family.

4. According to the theory of Aryan supremacy, wouldn't this mean that modern Neo-Nazis should be friendly to Afghan/Pakistanis/North Indians/Iranians, who are all Aryans?

Dr Rudolph Hess
Rudolf Hess

DR MIKE: Well, let’s start by pointing out that the Nazis’ Aryan beliefs were about as historically valid as the rest of their crackpot beliefs.

It was Hitler himself who put the whole ‘Aryan’ philosophy down on paper (or at least dictated his rambling views on the subject to Rudolf Hess), and without wishing to put too fine a point on it, he was a poorly-educated man whose views were a compound of dodgy ideas he had picked up from cranks and unscholarly books. In short, he didn’t really know what an Aryan was.

Most writers assume ‘Aryan’ was simply another term for ‘Nordic’ – the members of the Nazi ‘master race’, so far as Hitler was concerned, were Germans, Scandinavians and (to a lesser extent, because they had mixed with so many undesirable rqaces), Anglo-Saxons such as the Brits and the Yanks. (Of course, any sensible geneticist could have explained to Hitler that the supposedly pure German race contained literally millions of people with Slavic, French and goodness knows what other sorts of blood.)

Taking a closer look at what Hitler actually believed means reading his astoundingly turgid ‘masterpicee’, Mein Kampf, a two-volume ramble through the Nazi leader’s warped and ignorant philosophy of life. In this book, Hitler divides humans into categories based on physical appearance, establishing higher and lower orders. At the top, according to Hitler, is the Germanic man with his fair skin, blond hair and blue eyes. Hitler refers to this type of person as an ‘Aryan’, and asserts the Aryan is the supreme form of human, or master race.

‘...It (Nazi philosophy) by no means believes in an equality of races,’ Hitler writes, ‘but along with their difference it recognizes their higher or lesser value and feels itself obligated to promote the victory of the better and stronger, and demand the subordination of the inferior and weaker in accordance with the eternal will that dominates this universe.’

Hitler goes on to claim the Aryan is also culturally superior: ‘All the human culture, all the results of art, science, and technology that we see before us today, are almost exclusively the creative product of the Aryan...’ he claims, somewhat ambitiously one might think.

Mein Kampf goes on to say that subjugated peoples actually benefit by being conquered because they come in contact with and learn from the superior Aryans. However, Hitler adds they benefit only as long the Aryan remains absolute master and doesn't mingle or inter-marry with inferior conquered peoples.

Now, the Nazis agreed with anthropologists and historians that the Aryan race had come to dwell in Persia, along the Ganges and in Tibet (Aryan actually comes from the same root as the word ‘Iran’), but they also believed (without real evidence) that the original Aryans actually came from Europe, and that one branch had migrated east, intermarried with the locals and degenerated, while the other stayed put, remained pure and eventually became northern European Nordics. As well as thoroughly rubbishing this idea, more reputable historians are dubious about the whole concept of an ‘Aryan’ group of races, of whatever sort. For example, Josef Wieshofer, the distinguished historian of the pre-Islamic Middle East, writes in his book Ancient Persia that the general concept of Aryanism was a creation of the Sassanid Persian kings in the third century AD and was promoted because the Sasanid’s wished to associate themselves with the successful Achaemind rulers of Persia (such as Darius and Xerxes) of the previous millennium. There is no concordance as to which Asian races might properly be termed Aryans today.

Nicholas Goodrich-Clarke, a reputable historian who has probed the murky subculture of Nazi racial and occult beliefs, has recently produced an interesting new book which deals in some detail with Nazi Aryan beliefs. You can find out more about it on http://www.amazon.com/Occult-Roots-Nazism-Influence-Ideology/dp/0814730604

5. Did Hitler really live in Liverpool for a while?

Adolf Hitler
Him again...

DR MIKE: This is, sadly, a myth, based on the alleged diaries of Hitler’s sister-in-law, an Irishwoman who married his half-brother Alois.

To begin at the beginning, Bridget Elizabeth Dowling really did marry Alois Hitler, in London, 1910. They later seem to have lived in Upper Stanhope Street 120, Toxteth Park, Liverpool, where they ran a small restaurant, and had a son, William Patrick Hitler, who moved in 1940 to New York, joined the US Navy and sensibly changed his name.

Very little is known for certain about this branch of the Hitler family – not surprisingly, they have chosen to keep a pretty low profile over the years. According to the British historian John Toland (who traced WP Hitler’s family after the Second World War), he once saw a family snapshot of William Hitler and an infant. The photo was captioned on the back to the effect that it was of W.P., holding his son, ‘baby Adolf’. Toland promoted the book he wrote on Hitler by delivery talks during which he used to assure his audience that "Adolf Hitler is alive andwell, and living somewhere in the New York City metropolitan area," but frankly we find the suggestion pretty hard to credit. The idea that WP Hitler’s son was Christened Adolf was probably a joke on Toland’s part,

Anyway... the Bridget Hitler papers, which turned up some time after the war and supposedly originated with WP Hitler, featured many times in the British press in the 1970s. They were the subject of a series of lengthy articles in the Liverpool Daily Post in about 1973, and then of a book, The Memoirs of Bridget Hitler, published in 1979 by a journalist called Michael Unger (later editor of the Manchester Evening News). These memoirs eventually inspired the novel Young Adolf, by Beryl Bainbridge. According to this version of events, Hitler travelled to the UK to escape conscription into the Austrian army, and stayed in Liverpool for five months between 1912 and 1913. He is said to have lived off his half brother and from the occasional sale of one of his paintings, and to have spent some of his spare time watching the liners leave Liverpool to sail to to all the corners of the British Empire.

Sadly, while historians and biographers (most recently Ian Kershaw, author of the critically acclaimed bio Hitler: Hubris) confirm that the marriage between Alois and Bridget did take place, they do not believe the Bridget Hitler diaries are genuine. The presumption is that they were a journalistic hoax of the 70s, rather like the Mussolini diaries, the Hitler diaries and the Jack the Ripper Diary.

6. Did Hitler find the spear of destiny (the artifact not the crap goth band)?

DR MIKE: The so-called Spear of Destiny (AKA Spear of Longinus or Holy Lance) was believed to have been the weapon used to pierce the side of Christ at the Crucifixion. It was, supposedly, hunted down by the Nazis because legend had it that whoever possesses the lance will rule the world.

The Holy Lance appears both in factual history and in fiction. There are several references to ‘holy lances’ uncovered in the Dark Ages and the early middle ages. According to one tradition, the lance has a history which could be traced at least as far back as Constantine the Great, the first Christian Roman

Emperor (reigned early 4th century AD). Constantine and his family, as enthusiastic converts to the young religion, made several hunts for holy relics of Christ, and the emperor’s mother Helen supposedly rediscovered both the True Cross and portions of the crown of thorns during a trip to Jerusalem.

Looking at accounts of how these relics were recovered, it certainly appears the royal family were astonishingly fortunate in tracking down artefacts which had, after all, been lost for 330 years or so, and that they found them after making very little apparent effort. Of course, modern historians tend to infer from this that the relics the family discovered – including the supposed Spear of Destiny – were actually ‘planted’ by fourth century priests and retainers anxious that these powerful people should find what they were looking for. As such, the chances are very great that any ‘Holy Lances’ which did or still do exist are actually forgeries.

At any rate, Constantine’s lance supposedly passed into the possession of such men as Theodosius, Alaric (who sacked Rome), Theodoric (who turned back Attila the Hun), Justinian, Charles Martel (who had defeated the Moslems at the Battle of Poitiers) and eventually Charlemagne, the first Holy Roman Emperor (late eighth century AD). A later Germanic tradition held that Charlemagne had kept the spear with him throughout 47 victorious battles, and died very soon after accidentally dropping it. Subsequently, five Saxon emperors who succeeded the Carolingian Dynasty, and then seven Hohenstaufen emperors, are supposed to have possessed the lance. It will come as no surprise to most of you to hear that contemporary sources for any of this are scare to non-existent, and it is now impossible to prove that the same Holy Lance was possessed by all these rulers, or that this spear was a genuine first century Roman relic.

One early Hohenstaufen, Frederick Barbarossa (thirteenth century), like Charlemagne, is said to have died within minutes of dropping the lance as he crossed a stream. After that the weapon was kept within various royal palaces, and eventually fetched up in the possession of the Austrian Habsburgs. Napoleon is supposed to have attempted to take it following his victory over Austria at the Battle of Austerlitz (1805). Unfortunately for him, it had already been smuggled into Vienna from Nuremberg just prior to the battle, and the Frenchman never obtained it.

Today, a relic supposed to be the Holy Lance still belongs to the House of Hapsburg, and rests in the Hoffburg Museum in Vienna. It was certainly there in 1938 when Hitler seized power in Austria, and if some occult authors are to be believed, the Nazi dictator’s first action after annexing the country was to personally take the lance back to Germany with him in the name of the Reich. According to this story, the Fuehrer had the Spear of Destiny loaded on to an armored SS train and taken back to Nuremberg on 13 October 1938.

There it remained in St. Catherine's Church until it was removed to a safer, protective underground vault in the last stages of World War II, where one Lt. Walter William Horn of the United States Army took possession of it in the name of the US government at 2:10 PM on April 30, 1945. Occult authors are keen to point out that Hitler committed suicide precisely 80 minutes after finally losing possession of the Spear of Destiny, which the victorious Americans subsequently returned to the Hoffburg (where it still is today).

However, matters are considerably complicated by the fact that the Hoffburg spear is only one of two or three rival ‘Holy Lances’ which have turned up over the years. Easily the most famous of these alternates was supposedly recovered in Antioch during the First Crusade (1098) when a hermit among the crusaders was guided by a vision to the place where it had been buried centuries before. However, once again most historians believe this lance (which definitely did exist) was actually a fake cunningly planted the crusader leaders. At the time the whole Christian army was heavily besieged in Antioch by a large Muslim force, and morale was at an all-time low. Thanks to the ‘rediscovery’ of the Holy Lance, the crusaders recovered their self-confidence, sallied out and inflicted a decisive defeat on the forces of Islam. As a direct consequence of the victory at Antioch, the First Crusade was successful in its ultimate aim of retaking Jerusalem and establish Christian kingdoms in the Middle East for the first time since the great Arab victories over the Byzantine Empire in the seventh century.

The Spear of Destiny also features prominently in fiction, most notably in an opera by Hitler’s favourite composer, Wagner. It was probably thus, rather than in some mystical occult guide book, that the Nazi leader heard about the lance. In Parsival, the character Klingsor is a despicable adversary of the Knights of the Holy Grail. This fiend seeks to capture the Spear from them and use it in his practice of black magic. Wagner seemsto have got this idea from legends concerning a real historical figure, the alleged the black magician Landulph II of Capua. He, too, was supposedly obsessed with the Spear of Destiny.

Anyway, Hitler is supposed to have identified similarities between Wagner's character and Landulph, and seen their struggles as parallel to his own quest for the holy icon. To Hitler, the blood purity of the Grail Knights and the maniacal quest of Klingsor and Landulph for the spear was the blueprint for world conquest by Nazi power.

Much of this material is summarised in an influential book, The Spear of Destiny, by a writer called Trevor Ravencroft, and there’s a summary of this volume at http://web.archive.org/web/19970730151452/http://www.chasque.apc.org/lvx/rkeith5f.htm. In this dubious occult ‘classic’, Ravenscroft creates a complex occult view of Hitler’s personal history and actions during WWII which seeks to prove that all the dictator’s actions were guided by his belief in the occult and his faith in the Spear of Destiny. No reputable historian has ever endorsed these views, and while it is generally accepted that Hitler’s personal philosophy did draw heavily on occult and pseudo-occult works in wide circulation in early 20th century Vienna, and while many historians agree that Heinrich Himmler, the SS leader, was a more or less convinced believer in some occult theories, Hitler did come down hard on Germany’s occultists soon after coming to power in the 1930s and no reputable students of Hitler take Ravenscroft’s occult theorising seriously.

In sum, the answer to your question is that while Hitler did, technically, control the so-called Spear of Destiny from 1938-1945, it wasn’t hard to find, he showed no particular interest in this relic and there is currently no reason to believe he took its alleged occult powers seriously.

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